Wednesday, April 15, 2009

30 Days of Write, 15 April

"Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats! Ho!" shouted Lion-O, his once shrunken blade growing tumescent with each booming of his voice and contorted O-face. All across Third Earth, Thundercat heads snapped up to view the shining red and black beacon calling them to action like so many Batmen of Gotham City.

"Stupid, overgrown, red-headed teenage asshole," Cheetara, the only adult female and the fastest Thundercat, muttered under her breath as she raced on foot towards their leader. "I told him to quit calling me that. It was kind of cute the first time he did it in bed but now it's just insulting."

But Cheetara had to admit life wasn't too bad for her in Cat's Lair. She only had to entertain 3 adult men since the other occupants were incestuous twin adolescents and Lion-O's gay, hypochondriac anthropomorphic nursemaid cat-thing that kept repeating his name like a stupid Pokemon or something. Her girlfriend Smurfette, on the other hand, had it pretty rough. The two blondes had hit it off at the Ladies' Night mixer for the 80's Cartoon Nostalgia Reunion a few years back. That poor girl lived in a village with a hundred horny, one-dimensional pricks, all with a permanent case of blue balls, and she was the only available woman for a thousand miles. She wasn't quite sure what being smurfed in the smurf before they smurfed her meant but Cheetara was pretty sure it wasn't pleasant, especially 10 or more times a day.

Meanwhile Lion-O stood proudly with his fully aroused Eye of Thundera pointed lewdly at the intruder.

Prince Adam stared back at his feline confronter with a mixture of awe and mirth.

So he thinks he's the only one around here with a magic sword, does he? Ha ha!

Prince Adam unsheathed the Power Sword on his back and thrust it mightily into the air.

"By the power of Grayskull, I have the POWER!" chanted the disguised hero. A bolt of lightning struck the tip of his blade even though it had been a perfectly clear sky only moments before. This impressed Lion-O, as did the special effects whereby the image of a skull-faced medieval keep suddenly appeared behind the muscular blonde man. The costume transformation into nay but a loincloth and bandoleer, on the other hand, smacked of shoujo manga and seemed a tad over the top for the Thundercat's taste.

Way too Siegfried and Roy, he quietly commented. All he needs is a tiger to complete the act.

Their complete line of action figure companions (available at Wal-Mart, Target, and these other fine retailers) had yet to show as the two tanned, hypermasculine, scantily clad 'roid heads circled each other warily, naked blades bobbing to and fro. Then the two men charged, steel meeting steel...

Ok, I give up. I can't write any more of this slash fiction stuff ;)

1 comment:

  1. hilarious. Also you made me look up tumescent.