Originally published in Facebook Notes on 6 May 2009
Popular Catholic priest Alberto Cutie was relieved of duties by the Archdiocese of Miami and suspended from his radio talk shows for photos showing him 'in flagrante' on the beach. While the Archdiocese was appalled and disgusted to see the adult man kissing, holding, and fondling a young, comely brunette woman's buttocks under her bathing suit on Miami Beach, parishioners seem to have taken a different view. They are standing by "Father Oprah," dismissing his inappropriate behavior because he is a "good, good man" and "hey, he's Cuban, those guys don't got any control. And with a name like Cutie, what did you really expect to happen?"
A spokesman for the Archdiocese said the church would be praying for Father Cutie on his spiritual journey to Las Vegas, Rio de Janeiro, Bangkok, and Subic City this summer. "We hope to put this whole sad, sordid affair behind us as soon as possible so that Father Cutie can get back to his sacred duties of molesting altar boys and leaving deep, deep emotional scars that last until legal charges are filed and the Cardinals shuffle him around to another diocese to avoid scandal."